


Future

by Hiway202



Series: All Grown Up! Music One Shots [1]
Category: All Grown Up!
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 07:15:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10759383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiway202/pseuds/Hiway202
Summary: A never ending collection of one shots based off of songs.Song: FutureArtist: ParamoreLil thinks about her future after a tragedy.





	Future

Lillian DeVille was sitting in English class. Kimi was sitting next to her and they were passing notes while the boring teacher blabbered on about adjectives and pronouns. Lil and Kimi were very excited. They were going to a party tonight. It was a high school party and they were only in sixth grade.

The note landed on Lil's desk. " **I'm so excited for the party tonight,** " it read. Lil scribbled something on it and passed it back: " **Me too! It's going to be sooooooo much fun!** "

They wrote back and forth on the note, talking about the party. They discuss the fact that they might meet some cute guys, new high school friends, and try new things. It'll be so much fun.

And then, trouble happens. Phillip, Lil's annoying twin brother grabs the note from Lil's hand while then English teacher just continues to bug the half asleep class.

"What's this?" he whispers into Lillian's ear.

"None of your buissness, Phillip!" she yell whispers back at him trying to grab the note before Phil can read it and ruin all of their plans.

No use.

"You're going to a party?"

"Yeah," Kimi responds.

"Oh wait 'til I tell Mom and Dad. You two are going to be in so much trouble!"

"Wait, Phil-" Lil tries to reason with her brother.

"What?"

"What will it take to get you to keep quiet about this?"

He thinks for a second, but only for a second as if he already had this in mind.

"I want to go with you."

"What? Phil, that's crazy!" The class stares at her, telling her she was talking way to loud. She lowers her voice. "Anything else?"

"Nope, I'm sorry, it's either that or I tell Mom and Dad." Lil gives Phil pleading looks. He just raises his eyebrows. Kimi tries to beg him too. No such luck.

"I'll think about it," Lil says.

* * *

Kimi and Lil sit next to each other on the bus ride home trying to think of a plan.

"I think I'm going to just give in," Lil tells her. "I know my brother and he's not going to give up that easily."

"I don't know, he's going to ruin the party. Like don't get me wrong I love your brother and everything but he manages to always be an accident waiting to happen." Kimi points out.

"I know, but what choice do we have."

Kimi sighs. "Okay, I just hope you know what you're doing."

* * *

"Phil?" Kimi and Lil are waiting outside of Phil's room at the DeVille's house. Phil opens his door.

"What?"

"We've decided to let you come with us to the party." Kimi tells him. Phil's eyes light up.

"Really? I can go? There is a sence of excitement in his face. Lil almost feels sorry they almost didn't let him go. Almost.

"Yes. But you can't tell Mom and Dad. And you can't embarass us. We'll leave at six. We're going to Kimi's house for a 'sleepover.' In your dufflebag, instead of pajammas, you will have stuff for the party. Kimi's mom is out of town and Chuckie and his dad are at a movie so we won't be questioned about where we are going."

"Get ready, it's almost time."

"Thanks! I will!" Phillip says whith excitement.

* * *

At six o' clock the three tweens leave the house with their plan in action. They get dressed and head to the high school party.

"Hey look out, it's the police," one boy says to his group of friends when he sees the group of eleven year olds. The boys' friends laugh.

"Don't want to get this party shut down now." More laughter.

Kimi, Lil, and Phil walk around the party some more. They drink the punch which has a really funny taste to it. Lil loves the punch but Kimi has a bad feeling about all of this.

"Come on, Kimi, drink more of this delishous punch," Lillian tells her best friend. Kimi gets a worried look on her face. She feels like she's seen this in a movie before, but if her friend wants her to have fun, then so be it.

Phil drinks some punch too and the three have fun doing flips and dives inn the pool; things they would have never done before.

And then trouble happens.

"Everyone, put your hands up!" A teenager with a gun enters the party and he does not seem happy. He seems scared, angry, frustrated, anything but happy.

Screams are heard throughout the party and everyone puts their hands up.

"I should have been invited to this party. I'm your best friend, man," the person with the gun says, speaking to the host.

"Lil," Kimi whispers, "put your hands up!" Lillian is so drunk from the punch that she dosen't understand that she has to put her hands up. Phil has his hands up, Kimi has her hands up, but not Lil.

"No, zilly," Lil slurs her esses. "I don't have to put my handz up, it'z a fire drill."

"I have been wanting to get invited to a party for a long time!" The person with the gun says. "I've never been invited to a party and you befriended me and then you- betraid me and now I have no friends. But guess what?"

"Lil!" Kimi warns.

"I don't need any!"

"No!" Lil says.

Gunshot. The host, the person the gun was aimed at ducks and the bullet hits the person directly behind him.

Phil.

"Oh shit!" The shooter says.

"Oh no!" Kimi says.

"Bye bye birdy!" Lil says.

Screams are heard from everyone in the party. A grunt excapes Phil's lips as he colapses to the ground. Blood pours out of the wound. It won't stop.

"What have I done?" The shooter is freaking out, Kimi is breaking into tears, Lil is laughing, and everyone else is running out of the party. Another gun shot. The shooter is dead.

Suicide.

"Phil, can you hear me?" Kimi asks him and there is no responce. Kimi takes out her cell phone and dials 911.

Phil is dead.

* * *

"Lil, what were you thinking? You went to a high school party and got drunk and you got your brother killed!" Lil's mother is crying as she scolds her.

It's the next day after Lil and Kimi were held at the police office for questioning. Lil is now sober.

"I'm so sorry Mom." Lil bursts into tears. If anyone feals bad about this it's her. She made the desision for her brother to come to the party, therefore, she killed him. If she hadn't let him come, he would still be alive.

"I'm going to my room!" Lil says. She needs some alone time to think about this. Time to grieve.

"No you are going to stay down here. We are all going to get through this together as a family. Your father has gotten you a counselor and you are going to start seeing her tomorrow. Her name is Tiffany."

"Okay."

* * *

The next day Lil goes to her counseling appointment. Tiffany is a young counselor, probably in her thirties and she is really nice.

"Hello Lil, how are you?"

"Not too good."

"Oh, I'm sorry. So lets get started. Do you feel comfortable telling me about what happened two days ago?"

Lil takes a deep breath. "Okay, so my friend Kimi and I got invited to a high school party. We had been talking about it all week; we were really excited, so it was no surprise that we were passing notes in English class with more details about the party.

That day, though, Phil grabbed our note and read it. He threatened to tell Mom and Dad if Kimi and I didn't let him come to the party. So we did.

At the party, the punch was infectied with alchohol-"

"Spiked," Tiffany corrects.

"Whatever. The punch was  _spiked_ and Kimi, Phil, and I got drunk. I got really drunk though. Then, someone came in with a gun. I don't remember this part because I was so drunk but this is what Kimi tells me happened.

The teen wanted to kill the host because he wasn't invited to the party and he was betrayed by the host. While this was happening Kimi was telling me to put my hands up because the person with the gun told everyone to put there hands up and I was the only one that didn't have my hands up. I told Kimi I didn't have to because it was a fire drill." Forced laughter.

"Then the teen shot the host but the host ducked and the bullet missed and it- it-" Lil shuts down.

"What happened?" asked Tiffany.

"It hit Phil." Lil bursts into tears. "Everyone screamed. The shooter freaked out. Kimi was scared. And I said," she chokes between sobs, "'Bye bye birdy.' Then the shooter didn't know what to do so he commited suicide. Kimi called 911. I was laughing.

The police arrived. They interviewed Kimi and I. We were the only two left; even the host ran away from the party. I couldn't give straight answers. I told them I was skydiving and I was running a marathon and I was riding a rollercoaster. The interviewers were puppy dogs and one of them was a kitten and they were painting.

Kimi was able to give them more straight answers but there was nothing that they could do because the killer was already dead on the floor of the house. They sent Kimi home first and then they sent me home once I sobered up. My parents scolded me but then they relised I was in as much pain as they were so they took me here."

Tiffany lets the story prosess before saying, "Lil, I'm so sorry tht happened to you."

"Me too." Lil says.

The rest of the visit is spent in silence.

* * *

Lil doesn't have to go to school until five days after the accident. That first day back at school is hard. Kimi, not having lost her brother already had to go back to school, so she is there to help Lil through her hard day back.

It's a day full of questions and no answers for Lil doesn't want to answer them. Kimi stays by Lil's side any time she can and Chuckie, Tommy, Susie, and even Angelica are there too. Dil would be except he's not old enough to go to middle school yet.

At lunch Tommy, Chuckie, Susie, Angelica, Kimi, and Lil are eating together outside.

"I miss Phil," Lil says.

"Don't we all." Kimi adds.

"Okay," Tommy says, "let's talk about something else."

"I miss Phil" Lillian breaks down, collapsing on the floor huddled up in a little ball, shaking.

"Guys, go get help!" Kimi says, and Chuckie, Tommy, and Susie run of to go get help for Lil.

When they come back they are with the school counselor. Her name is Ruth. She tries to talk Lil out of he curled up ball but to no advail.

"Go get the principal." Ruth says and Angelica and Susie run of to do just that. When they come back with the principal, he tries to talk her back to sanity, but still no use. Suddenly, Kimi notices something on Lil's arm.

"Wait a minute, Lil," Kimi bends down and carefully pulls Lil's sleeve up. She lets her.

Lil's arm is filled with cuts of all shapes and sizes. Kimi gasps.

"Oh, Lil. Lil, Lil, Lil."

The principal calls the hospital and requests an ambulance and then alerts Lil's family.

* * *

At the ER Lil finally snaps out of her little break down. She looks around. Her mom and dad are there. She is in a room with only a bed and a sink. Her parents look relieved to know she's back to her normal self.

"Maybe going to school today wasn't such a good idea," Mom tells me.

"Yeah," I tell her.

"So, do you want to tell us about those cuts on your arms?"

"Not really."

"Thats a lot of cuts. It has to be at least one hundred."

"On each arm," her dad adds in.

"I've been stressed lately. My brother died. I mean died!"

"We know, Lil, but you have to learn how to manage your stress."

"I don't want to talk about it!"

"But talking about your feelings is good." A psychiatrist enters the room. "Hi Lillian, I'm Bob, I'm going to be evaluating you today."

"I don't want to be evauated." Lil says.

"Of course. But you do want to get better, don't you?" he asks.

No answer.

"Okay, so I'm going to have you two wait out in the hall and when I'm done I'll come get you and tell you what's going on."

"Okay," her parents say as they get up and leave. The psychiatrist gets ready to ask her a whole bunch of questions.

He asks her what happened five days ago with the accident when her brother died. She tells him. Then he asks what happened today at school.

"My mom made me go to school. I wasn't ready. Everyone was asking me so many questions about how it felt to lose my brother. Kimi, Tommy, Chuckie, Angelica, and Susie were all by my side but it was just to hard to answer all of their questions. I couldn't take it, so at lunch I just broke down and started crying and freaking out and I started scaring everybody I guess."

"Maybe just a little. So why did you start cutting."

"I was just so stressed and I missed my brother so I cut myself. I wasn't trying to kill myself. I know that's what you are here evaluating."

"Okay. Well, here's what I'm going to do, I'm going to go get your parents and then we are going to talk about what we are going to do from there."

"Okay."

He leaves to get the girl's parents. When he comes back he talks to her and her mom and dad.

"I don't think Lillian is at any risk of suicide. I think that she just was under stress with her brother dying so she cut herself. I think she should go to the teen grief support group even though she's eleven, we'll make an exception, which meets every week. We also have some for adults too, I think you two would beniffit from those as well.

We are not going to send Lil to a psychiatric hosptial. We will keep her here for 24 hours to make sure she's not going to hurt herself and then she can go home unless she poses a threat to herself." Lil's parents thank Bob and then he leaves.

"That's a relief." Lil's mom says. Lil sighs. All she wants is to see her brother again.

And to go home. Why can't she go home.

"I want to go home," Lil complains to her parents.

"Sorry, sweetie, you can't go home," her mom tells her and Lil grumbles.

"Hey, I got something that'll cheer you up." And Lil's parents get up, and walk out of the door. They just walk. Out the door.

"Like what?" Lil says. She waits one minute. Two. Three. She stands up and starts pacing the small room. What is she going to do to entertain herself now?

She notices that she is dressed in a hospital gown. Who did that? And where are her clothes?

Suddenly, the door opens. And in walks Kimi! And Chuckie! And Tommy! And Dil! And Angelica! And Susie! So that's why her parents left. They went to get her friends that were in the waiting room.

"Your parents didn't leave, they're in the waiting room, just giving us privacy," Kimi says.

"Okay, thanks."

There's silence. Then, Angelica breaks it:

"What happened today? Did you just have, like, a mental breakdown?"

"Angelica!" Susie says.

"Kimi and I were talking about how we should take a trip to the movies when you get out of here." Tommy says.

"When are you getting out of here?" asks Chuckie.

"In 24 hours," I grummble.

"Hey that's not so bad," says Chuckie.

"Yeah," says Kimi, "It could be worse."

"Yeah you could be a compleate block of ice," Dil chips in.

"That doesn't even make any sence," says Tommy.

"Guys, let's just stop making this stressful. We came here to keep Lil company," Susie says.

"No, guys it's fine," Lil says.

"No it's not. We need to make sure your okay we care about you," Tommy says. Lil's friends nod in agreement.

"And we don't want you to be doing this." Kimi grabs Lil's exsposed arm because of the hospital gown. "You have us, you can always talk to us." Lil bursts into tears.

"I know," she says, "I know."

* * *

Lil is out of the ER and at another appointment with her counselor, Tiffany. The psychiatrist at the hospital recromended she see he counselor as soon as possible.

"Lil, why have you been cutting?" Tiffany asked.

"Because," Lil said, "I was under so much stress and I missed my brother and I just couldn't take it anymore!"

Tiffany thinks about that answer for a minute before saying, "Lil, have you ever thought about your future?"

"No."

Tiffany stands up and rummages around in her storrage closet."

"What are you doing?" asks Lil.

"You'll see." Tiffany finally comes out of the closet with a journal. She grabs a pen and writes Lil's name on it and then writes, "Future."

"What are you doing?" Lil repeats.

"I want you to write it this journal. I want you to write about your future. You don't have to share it with me if you don't want to, but I think it would be very helpful in helping you get better."

"So all I have to do is write about my future?"

"Yep."

"Okay."

Easier said than done.

* * *

Lil sits in her room with her journal Tiffany gave her open trying to figure out what to write about. She needs to write something, because she doesn't want Tiffany to be dissappointed.

But she can't.

She just can't.

And she doesn't know why.

* * *

Next week at her appointment with Tiffany, Tiffany asks how writing about her future is coming.

"Not too good," Lil says.

"Sometimes you need to remember the past to get to the future," she says.

* * *

Lil sits in Phil's room that night, the first time she has since he died. She sits in there with her journal. She's thinking and finally she starts writing:

_I'm writing the future,_   
_I'm writing it out, loud._   
_We don't talk about the past,_   
_We don't talk about the past now._

_So, I'm writing the future,_   
_I'm leaving a key here._   
_Something won't always be missing,_   
_You won't always feel emptier._

Then she colapses on the ground. "I miss Phil!" she screams and starts shaking. Her parents run upstairs, see her breaking down and they don't know what to do, so they do the only thing they can do: They call 911.

* * *

"Lillian, what are you doing back here," asks Bob the psychiatrist. She's sitting in a hospital gown in a hospital room while he talks to her. He made her parents leave again.

"I just broke down but I'm working on this with my counselor, I'll be fine-"

"We can't have you keep coming back here. We might have to send you away to a psychiatric hospital."

"No! I mean, um, I'll be fine, just give me another chance."

"Okay, one more chance. Are you going to that support group I told you about?"

"No. I'm not."

"Go to it. I think it will help you."

* * *

The support group is full of lots of teens. They tell about stories of how they miss their loved ones and the leader who just so happens to be Bob gives us coping skills to deal with our loss. And I know people there, too. Kimi is there and so is Chuckie.

I talk to them after the group. "Why are you two here?" I ask.

"Well, Chuckie's been coming here since he was nine because of his mom and I just started coming here after Phil died. Lil, this has been hard on me, too. And I know I didn't lose a brother but I lost a friend and that is hard to deal with. You can always talk to me, we can get through this together!"

* * *

Lil sits in Phil's room again, journal in hand. She had a lot to think about lately and that has helped her decide her future, so she opens her journal and she writes:

_Just think of the future,_   
_And think of your dreams._   
_You'll get away from here,_   
_You'll get away eventually._

_So, just think of the future,_   
_Think of a new life._   
_And don't get lost in the memories,_   
_Keep your eyes on a new prize._

She thinks about her brother. He'll always be in her memories, but he doesn't have to consume he memories anymore. Kimi's right, she's there for her.

So with that, Lil stands up and exits the room.

"Goodbye Phillip, I love you." And she turns off the light.

And shuts the door.


End file.
